Having had to " let go" of many a people, situations and feelings this is a difficult task sometimes and it takes a lot of self reflection most times to do so.
The act of letting go is not always a challenge. Sometimes, we are very sure that a situation or person is toxic enough to walk away from. Other times, especially when it is someone that we care about, it is hard to do. We spin the scenarios around in our head. We second guess the situations that led us up to that moment, hoping that we missed something. Clinging to the belief in people. That there is good somewhere, there has to be right?
That is called being human. We form emotional bonds with people on so many levels. The emotional bonds embed themselves into our psyche, leaving us vulnerable. And again, not all of this is a bad thing. I am simply going to focus on the ones that we need to let go of.
I have had much experience in letting go. Unfortunately for me, I usually wait until the "last straw" has been broken, time and time again. I never did learn the lessons that were being shown to me.
One of my most difficult moments of letting go was with my father. I have spoken about him on here before. I did not learn right away how toxic that he was until high school when I asked him to help me as my mother went into rehab (and would be there quite awhile) and he said that he had nowhere for me to stay, while he had a big house and plenty of room. Time and time again these same types of scenarios would play out and I would always let him back into my life, only to be kicked right back down to the ground. We would become close and then I would do something that he did not see was up to his standards and he would walk away. It was always him walking away while leaving me confused, emotional, with a face full of tears. I never could please him. Little did I know that it was he who could not please himself. I drew the line with him finally after multiple attempts on his part to be a part of my children's lives. He would pop in, be "Pappy Frank" and full of love on paper (never in person) and then just disappear. After my daughter hit 13 he called me and told me about how he could never forgive me for some imagined wrong that I had done and that he would call me someday when he saw fit but to never call him. Instead of leaving me with tears, he left me cold. I stood at that moment looking at the face of the Superstition Mountains, looked down at the phone and decided that he would never do that to me again. That was indeed the last time that I spoke to my father until years later when he was near death. I wondered where he was, how we was doing but never to the point of tracking him down or making that call. Was it difficult? Hell yes. Was it worth it? Hell yes. I learned with just that one lesson that I could remove toxicity from my life. Of course, I was at the time living within the biggest toxic relationship of my life.
And here we go onto another huge lesson in letting go and moving on. As I have most recently written on here about my previous relationships, I included the last one which spanned 21 years. This goes into what I said in the beginning as hoping that there is good in someone so that you do not have to make the painful choice to walk away. But in this case, it was detrimental that I walk away. More like, run away. I will not go into detail as I did just speak on this subject about him. And I really did let it go and walk away. It took a long time and having left him twice it did finally happen. What I learned from the experience with him was that I do not need to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I do not need to be with someone if it hurts. I deserve better than pain with a sprinkle of happiness. And I learned that I never have to look for good within someone when they hide it. Life is not a scavenger hunt for love and affection. If you cannot find it, you better love yourself because you are the only one who is true to YOU. After finally walking away, letting go and shedding the stigma of pain I learned something. I am still here, I still know how to love and I am worthy of living. And you can still live a full life when you get rid of the negative hold that some people hold over you.
Next steps in walking away involve other family members and a few friends thrown in for good measure. There have been moments in my life where I made friends with some of the best people I thought I knew. Problem was, they were fake and full of underlying negativity. I had one in particular that was so involved in my life he was always around me. I trusted him with everything including my children, and that was the worst mistake that I have ever made. And believe me, I have made my fair share of mistakes. Turns out that during a time when I needed him the most, he was doing the horrible things to my children. Well, my daughter was the one who suffered his wrath. He was a very bitter and angry person and therefore took all of his frustrations out on my daughter. My son was not treated horribly but my daughter was traumatized. This so called friend was taking things out on her for his shortcomings in life and the fact that his mother was just as horrible as he was. I ended up breaking ties with him for other reasons. I unfortunately did not find out about that incident until after I moved halfway across the country. But when I did, I had to be there for my daughter and work through the emotions and feelings with her. I never did confront him or his mother. I decided that the best thing for me to do was to turn my back, work through the emotions and let go. In doing so I was able to move on.
In regards to family members, I have let go and moved on from them as well. I have decided that not mentioning situations is also a form of letting go, is it not?
I decided to share this part of my journey so that others may see a similarity in their lives and realize that if they walked away then they are ahead of the game and doing just fine. It takes a bigger person to walk away, cut ties and forgive people. But it really is for the best and forgiveness is key to a clear soul and pure heart.
Thank you for taking a walk on this path with me. As always, love often and live without fear. We are all human and will make mistakes but we survive always.
Peace, Love and Happiness Always!
