It all began with a chance encounter. She was just an ordinary girl. He was a very expressive guy. They met downtown on a beautiful spring evening. They had bumped into each other, quite literally face to book in a bookstore. He was perusing a book penned by Hunter S Thompson, intrigued, she asked him why that particular choice. He then went into great detail about the man behind the prose as well as the complexities of many other artists and writers. She felt for the first time in her life a loss for words. She was an avid reader, with universal tastes but in this case she was learning something new. They continued in conversation for what seemed like hours, chatting like old friends. As she finally tore herself away from him, she left thinking that he was one of the most engaging men that she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. The question that she soon asked herself was, when could she speak to him again?
And so, time goes on. She begins to utilize social networking to see if she could by chance find him. She also continues to show up at the bookstore every other week on the same day hoping that she would run into him. All the while she is beginning to question her sanity, why is she so determined to find this man? One day, when she least expects it she finds a friend request on her page from him. She giddily accepts the request and sends him a private message right away. She to just wanted him to know how much she enjoyed meeting him and their conversation. In her mind, she thinks that he will never remember all that they had discussed. Has he thought of her the way that she has thought of him? Is he as intrigued as she? Apparently he was because sooner than she could blink, he strikes up a private conversation on her page. They picked up almost exactly where they had left off, going back and forth like teenagers passing notes in class.
And so began a very intense internet connection. Each day was a longer conversation than they had the day before. They learned that they had so much in common. Their lives were very parallel to one another. On the other hand, she felt that she had so much to learn from him. They did come from two very different worlds after all. Sometimes, she felt like a small ignorant child next to this larger than life man. Yet, she never was intimidated by him. After a month of chatting daily via the internet they decided to set up a meeting at the bookstore that they had met in. Both of them wanted a more intimate, face to face talk. Leading up to that moment, she became full of apprehension. How does she talk to him? What would she say? How should she present herself? Self- doubt begins to toy with her mind.
As the evening approaches she begins to worry that he will not show up, that he will change his mind. She shows up at the bookstore full of butterflies and anticipation. She sat in a comfortable armchair and waited, as nervous as a schoolgirl at her first dance. She resisted the temptation to run. After what seemed like an eternity, he walked in the door. He smiled broadly and her heart lurched forward. Odd, she thought. Almost immediately after greeting each other, they fall into a conversation. It was an effortless flow of words. No fear, no worries. The conversation became deeper and more intense. After many hours had passed by, they agreed to part for the evening. As they turn to walk their separate ways, they are drawn into each other’s arms. When they finally break away from each other, the electrical current between them is stronger than any force of nature. At that time, they agree to meet again soon. And so begins a friendship like none other.
She was a very broken soul. A long list of abuse by her own hands and others. He was also a damaged soul, suffering almost the same fate as she had. She had no self-esteem or confidence. He was very aloof. They began to delve deeper into each other’s psyche. Which in turn began to bring out all of the ugliness that they had kept buried for so long. Slowly through these self-discoveries, they begin to trust one another. And on some strange level, a healing process begins for both of them. Maybe they were good for each other. Maybe they can help each other. Maybe this could grow into something bigger, or maybe it could end it all. There were so many maybes.
As they continue their journey of discovery, they still have daily conversations. Although email is good, they decide that maybe they should get together in a more intimate setting. They make a plan and set up a date. The day of their date arrives and she is nervous, although not sure why. She is very excited however to see what will become of the relationship, if you can call it that. As they are dining you could actually feel the tension building between the two of them. Their hands touched and sparks flew. Their passion begins to unfold and it seems as though neither one can wait for dinner to end and for the server to bring the check. As they leave the restaurant they cannot wait to be somewhere private and alone. They arrive at his house after what seemed like an eternity. Both of them had been fighting feelings for so long, it seems as if they will explode. Neither one of them feels that they deserve this happiness. As they begin a sweet journey of exploration, it turns out that this was exactly what they both needed. As time goes on, they become increasingly devoted to one another. Strong emotions are now involved and now real fears come to the surface.
She begins to wonder if she is crazy. He begins to pull away. Time is against them. Life tends to get in the way sometimes and overwhelm you. Slowly she starts to doubt herself, she feels like a self-conscious fool. When she tries talking to him, he is cool as ice. Not showing any emotions or concern for anything. Inside, she begins to crumble and her usual self-loathing comes to the surface once again. He will not divulge any thoughts or emotions to her. And so begins the questioning stage of things between these two damaged souls. It isn’t easy to give up your heart. When the heart is involved and one person shuts down, the effect will be devastating.
Through the quiet times, she begins to feel abandoned and sad. Why won’t he call? Why won’t he talk to me? Did I do something wrong? Oh God, what must he think of me? So, back and forth between pain and sadness she goes. Trying to figure everything out on her own and never actually asking him what was going on. All the while she is trying to will him to talk to her. Well, pushing someone to open up usually results in a door being slammed into your face. So, she conceded. Walks away, deciding to let the pieces fall as they may.
Sometime later, he begins to come back around. He begins to open up slowly. As she patiently waits for him to open up, she realizes that it is not her, it isn’t about her. He has to wrestle with his emotions all on his own. So, she decides to just be there. Be there for him if he needs her, or if he wants to open up fully. Standing in the background, waiting for him she realizes that if it is meant to be, then it will be. All she can do at this point is work on herself and gain inner strength.
More time goes by, he resurfaces again. He also begins to trust in her more. He reveals more of himself to her. In showing his trust for her, she begins to trust him more. Once again that amazing respect that they have always had for one another begins to deepen. She realizes then that this friendship is more valuable than anything else. And if that is all that comes out of it, then that is enough for her.
The relationship today is a beautiful work in progress. It has ups and downs. But for all of the twists involved, it is a wonderful gift. Even if nothing else comes out of it, she now realizes that she is special to him and that is a blessing that she never saw coming.
To be continued……………
