Memories in Music

Well hello again! It has been a minute has it not?? We have had a couple of crazy years for sure. Things have happened that I never imagined seeing in my lifetime yet alone the lifetimes of my children....but hey, here we are. Still perservering. Thankful for every day that welcomes me. I wanted to do a little walk down memory lane. My memory gets fuzzy somedays but others it is pretty good and these are great memories so why not share them? My first concert (that I willingly went to) was in my 8th grade year in Philadelphia, PA. It was Twisted Sister with Joan Jett and The Blackhearts opening the show. My step sister Jamie and I were gifted the tickets for our birthdays. I remember getting ready in our attic bedroom....two giggly teens playing with colored hairspray, glitter and makeup (rare, as my Dad did not allow me to wear that) We wore jeans and oversize shirts and teased out short hair as high as we could. I remember being so nervous on the way and my Dad kept telling us how to be safe in the big city of Philly ( he was dropping us off and going to do journalist stuff while we had the concert). He took us to the Rocky steps as well so it was way cool. We got into the stadium and went to the merch table, we bought the tour books, pins and a bumper sticker. With dreams of meeting the band, we made our way to the seats. I was overcome with excitement! It was huge and jam packed with people. We giggled and jumped up and down in anticipation. Soon, the lights dimmed and my first girl crush stepped out onto the stage....she belted out "I Love Rock n' Roll" and I was screaming along with a sea of other voices. By the time they finished their set...I was already deaf and hoarse. The band bowed and Joan Jett exited the stage. I sat eagerly awaiting Twisted Sister and anticipating a glimpse of Eddie "Fingers" Ojeda (my band member crush at the time). Lights dimmed, neon lights flashed across the stage and all you heard was the magical scream of Dee Snider blast through the building. We all screamed, I cried and we jumped up and down. All you saw was a sea of fists raised into the air, pumping along to the music. He egged the crowd on, having us participate with the song. I was crying from excitement...this was the most fun that I had ever had in my young life. This was 1984, prime time to be experiencing hair bands. The concert went on, my step sister and I kept saying how amazing this was and that we were grown now haha. The concert came to an end, they did an encore for the roaring crowd and we then had to make our way in a sea of people to find my Dad who was waiting somewhere on the street. We went outside into the chilly winter night. Looking everywhere for my Dad, I did not see him and had a moment of panic. Two little girls in a big city, scary times. Finally I heard my name and turned around and there was my Dad. We got in and he asked us all about it. We were giddy and giggly and excited teenage girls, he actually humored us (this was rare). When we got home, we cleaned up and went to bed. We stayed up all night talking about this concert, this was really a moment of bonding for us as we rarely got along. I can still remeber the feeling of each moment of that night, still makes me smile. This concert fueled quite an obsession for me in regards to concert going (and hair bands haha). No concert is quite as memorable as your first. I have been to so many. At one point I had all of my concert tickets stubs, tour books, pins and t shirts from each of my concerts. Sadly a storage unit mishap with a disgruntled idiot took those memories, but the ones imbedded in my brain are permanently lodged in the nooks and crannies of days gone by. Let's see......I think now I will do a quick run down of the ones that I went to. I am proud to say that I was able to see all of the great hair bands in the 80's and some very cool notable shows sprinkled throughout the 90's and into the 2000's. Some of these bands played together but I could not for the life of me remember the order so you get a list. There is no order to these concerts as they are sprinkled throughout my life thus far, so here I go....let's see how many of you went to see any of these shows. Twisted Sister w/ Joan Jett and The Blackhearts Bon Jovi Cinderella AC/DC Warrant Great White Tesla Motely Crue (the spinning drum set one) w/ Whitesnake, Poison, Jet Boy Poison Dokken Robert Plant Jimmy Page (w/ Jason Bonham on drums) Scorpions (most memorable concert while being under the influence) Tesla Aerosmith (Dream On still holds different meaning to me to this day) Red Hot Chili Peppers (after Kiedis cut the hair...sad day in fan history lol) Marc Anthony (long hair and karate chop moves on stage.....we are talking 1995 maybe?) ZZ Top (thanks to some great dudes, I was able to fulfill a lifelong dream to hear TUSH live) All American Rejects (helps to be a parent of a teenage girl) Fallout Boy (again, pays to be a parent of a teenage girl) Old School Jam which included Rose Royce, Zapp and Cameo to name a few (I was gifted these tickets by 104.3 radio on Mothers Day) Evanescence (more specifically Amy Lee with an orchestra- one of the best moments in concert going for me) Brother Ali (another dream of mine, gifted to me by a person with whom I was once very close to). There may be some that I have missed as the 80's could be a blur sometimes. There are numerous outdoor concerts that I have been to that I could not tell you who it was that I saw before they became famous. The concerts have all shaped me and gave me a different love of music. Some hitting me so hard that now when I hear a familiar song it hits me in my gut. I do have some concerts that I missed out on (and kick myself pretty hard now) or that I should have gone to when offered the opportunity (I was to chicken shit to follow through on the plans) Prince was a coulda shoulda woulda, Beastie Boys, Digital Underground (before they were a household name), David Bowie, Red Hot Chili Peppers (when they were a up and coming band, playing at a dive bar in San Francisco), Metallica, George Clinton, Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Boys To Men....soooooo many to speak of, sadly. I will say that the memories of these shows are cherished and I hold them all near to my heart. I still remember who I went with, what I wore, where I was, and of course there are some crazy ass stories that go along with each and every single show. I was a bit of a wild child. Those moments are what make me glad that I grew up when I did and that we did not have cell phones or social media, my quiet, good girl facade would have surely been exposed. Concerts were a chance for me to come out of my shell and let loose from my normal icy exterior. Thank you for going down this memory lane with me. I hope it made you chuckle. If you were with me at one of those shows, I hope it gave you some good memories. I hope it made you reflect on the shows that you have gone to. We all need great memories to reflect on, it can bring a smile to your face when you least expect it. Here is to future music shows, the people that you share them moment with and to all the musicians out there bringing the joy to all of us! Until next time....thank you for reading and I will be sharing more random memories soon. Peace, Love, Unity and Happiness

An introspective look at my favorite color

This one is for all of my fellow Goth / Emo kids. We are MANY that is for sure.
I love the color black, all shades of it. My son from a young age made sure to tell me that black is the absence of color....yes Pedro, I am aware :)
For many years, my closet consisted of all shades of black with a few pops of color for good measure. The love affair started in middle school. I realized that when I wore black, I disappeared. It was magical. For someone like me who seemed to be the target for everyone's tricks, this was amazing! I mean when I wore polka dots and neon (this was the 80's after all) they picked me out of a crowd and teased me, making me the example of how far their cruelty could go. However, I soon noticed that when I wore all black they walked right by me.
Hmmm....maybe I was on to something. I began to wear black a lot more. And I wore my straight hair down and in my face. It was such a comfort to be able to blend into a wall, or a classroom. The other thing that came along with wearing black was that I felt powerful! I have no idea why or what created that feeling but boy did I run with it. When I wore black I held my head high, I looked people in the eye, I walked without fear. Suddenly, I began interacting more with my peers. This led to making friends with an unlikely bunch and we are still friends to this day.
Now, I ask did the color have some mystical power? Did it have some force over me to make me feel better about "me"? Or was it all in my head? I do not know the answer, but it felt great.
After I got into high school I took 3 years of classes with an amazing teacher named Ms. Joan Barker. She taught Marriage, Child, Family Development. She was everything to me. She was my teacher, my mentor, my rock. I had a tumultuous life at that time and she was there for me in class, out of class and a phone call away.
I took her course, by my Senior year I was advanced level. Seems that I was learning as much as I could about life, things that I was not being taught outside of class. Now, I did not listen to most of what I learned. I did not follow any warnings or guidelines....had to learn the hard way ( very much par for the course with me) but I did take away very important things and lessons that still carry me to this day.
In this class I learned something about wearing color. She would teach us about how we wore color and how others perceive it and even judge us by it. Every single time she spoke about black, she looked at me (insert eye roll here) I did learn that red was considered an aggressive, take charge color. If your colors were too bright, you are not taken seriously. And if your colors were too dark, you are not assertive enough. But what she did tell us about the color black was that we were hiding when we wore it (meaning head to toe) I always had to speak up and tell her that maybe we wanted to hide and she would admonish me in front of the class and tell me that I did not need to disappear and that I have a voice. I would argue back that I felt powerful and strong when I wore it, she would tell me that I was using it a false shield. Holy hell, I could not win that one, no matter how hard that I tried.
Back to the present, I still love black. I still wear it with my head held high. I still feel powerful and secure when I wear it. Did I realize that it was an escape for me back then, a way to hide from what life was throwing my way? You bet! Do I realize as I am older that we cannot escape, we cannot fade, we cannot be silent? Yes!
I wear black now because I love the color. I wear black because it goes with literally everything. I wear black because it is slimming. I wear black because it makes me happy. But most of all I wear black because it screams out to the inner Goth girl that I am still here, I survived and sometimes I still need to disappear and that is OKAY...in moderation of course.
So I ask you, what is your take on color? How do certain colors make you feel?
This has been a walk down a short memory lane. I leave you as always with peace, love and happiness <3

A Love Note To The Friends That Have Come And Gone And Those That Remain

This is dedicated to the friends that I have made throughout my life.

Know that I cherish every laugh, every moment, every tear, every disagreement and every thought of you.

Although, I know that nothing lasts forever, my memories will remain as long as I am of sound mind. For the friendships that I currently have, know that I appreciate you being a part of my life. I am grateful for sharing a bond with you, no matter what that bond may be.

As time moves along, we have gotten closer. Others, we have drifted apart. This comes with growth and change. Some of us have moved far away. Some of us, sadly have passed away. Some have started families. Some of us have changed our lives completely. Others have changed our path. We are living the best life that we can, laughing, loving, exploring and creating a life for ourselves. We may not be on the same level as we used to be, we still shared a moment of a life shared.

We have grown and developed into a new person. We have been born again, we have been hurt, we have been awakened, we have been outcast, we have been damaged, we have been saved, we have been loved. We are constantly evolving, hopefully most of us into a better version of ourselves full of potential and love.

There may be a day that we hear a song and it brings back a memory of a shared moment together. Maybe it was a concert, an intimate moment, a laugh fest or an event. We may watch a movie and remember the trip to the movie theatre when we snuck into our first "R" rated movie. We may smell freshly cut grass and remember the time we tumbled down the hill after the janitor mowed the lawn at school. We may see a name that reminds us of our first crush that we only told you about. We may laugh over our memories. We may look fondly on those memories with a sly smile on our face. We may shed a tear for days lost but we will always hold onto those days as a gift. Current friendships are appreciated and cherished. We may hug one another just to let each other know that we care. We may smile at one another to brighten our day. Stolen glances, shy smiles, beaming smiles, warm memories, new memories in the making and a twinkle in the eye. I reflect on my friendships in many ways, both current and past.

I am fortunate that I still have friends from as far back as age 10. I still have friends who were in my life through awkward stages, through dark times and through times of growth. I have friends who have been there for me in ways that no money can buy. I look at times like when I spoke my first poem on the radio. I look at friends who were by my side when my life crumbled. I look at friends who were by my side when I published my first Zine.

I am so grateful for all of you both near and far. And I just wanted to say that I love you all in ways unspoken. I appreciate all of the moments that have passed and moments that have not yet happen. Thank you for being you, thank you for being real and thank you for the memories.

I leave you with some photos of those who have come into my life and that I am grateful for. I missed a lot of faces but they know who they are. I leave you always with peace, love and happiness