I love the color black, all shades of it. My son from a young age made sure to tell me that black is the absence of color....yes Pedro, I am aware :)
For many years, my closet consisted of all shades of black with a few pops of color for good measure. The love affair started in middle school. I realized that when I wore black, I disappeared. It was magical. For someone like me who seemed to be the target for everyone's tricks, this was amazing! I mean when I wore polka dots and neon (this was the 80's after all) they picked me out of a crowd and teased me, making me the example of how far their cruelty could go. However, I soon noticed that when I wore all black they walked right by me.
Hmmm....maybe I was on to something. I began to wear black a lot more. And I wore my straight hair down and in my face. It was such a comfort to be able to blend into a wall, or a classroom. The other thing that came along with wearing black was that I felt powerful! I have no idea why or what created that feeling but boy did I run with it. When I wore black I held my head high, I looked people in the eye, I walked without fear. Suddenly, I began interacting more with my peers. This led to making friends with an unlikely bunch and we are still friends to this day.
Now, I ask did the color have some mystical power? Did it have some force over me to make me feel better about "me"? Or was it all in my head? I do not know the answer, but it felt great.
After I got into high school I took 3 years of classes with an amazing teacher named Ms. Joan Barker. She taught Marriage, Child, Family Development. She was everything to me. She was my teacher, my mentor, my rock. I had a tumultuous life at that time and she was there for me in class, out of class and a phone call away.
I took her course, by my Senior year I was advanced level. Seems that I was learning as much as I could about life, things that I was not being taught outside of class. Now, I did not listen to most of what I learned. I did not follow any warnings or guidelines....had to learn the hard way ( very much par for the course with me) but I did take away very important things and lessons that still carry me to this day.
In this class I learned something about wearing color. She would teach us about how we wore color and how others perceive it and even judge us by it. Every single time she spoke about black, she looked at me (insert eye roll here) I did learn that red was considered an aggressive, take charge color. If your colors were too bright, you are not taken seriously. And if your colors were too dark, you are not assertive enough. But what she did tell us about the color black was that we were hiding when we wore it (meaning head to toe) I always had to speak up and tell her that maybe we wanted to hide and she would admonish me in front of the class and tell me that I did not need to disappear and that I have a voice. I would argue back that I felt powerful and strong when I wore it, she would tell me that I was using it a false shield. Holy hell, I could not win that one, no matter how hard that I tried.
Back to the present, I still love black. I still wear it with my head held high. I still feel powerful and secure when I wear it. Did I realize that it was an escape for me back then, a way to hide from what life was throwing my way? You bet! Do I realize as I am older that we cannot escape, we cannot fade, we cannot be silent? Yes!
I wear black now because I love the color. I wear black because it goes with literally everything. I wear black because it is slimming. I wear black because it makes me happy. But most of all I wear black because it screams out to the inner Goth girl that I am still here, I survived and sometimes I still need to disappear and that is OKAY...in moderation of course.
So I ask you, what is your take on color? How do certain colors make you feel?
This has been a walk down a short memory lane. I leave you as always with peace, love and happiness <3
No comments:
Post a Comment