The Steps to Healing Begin With You

I saw something today that got me thinking, it was something that struck a cord within. It actually frustrated me a bit, so I feel the need to speak a few words on the subject. Please allow me a moment to speak on what trauma means to me.
This goes out to all of those who are presently suffering or who have suffered some sort of traumatic experience or illness.
First of all, let me begin by saying that people who are mentally strong are unable to comprehend what trauma is, how it resonates within. Not to say that they themselves have not been a victim of trauma, most have, it is simply that it never consumed them. It never took hold of their mind and created a sickness. They are sympathetic to a point but cannot understand why others cannot simply “shake it off” or “move on”. What they fail to see is that we all heal in our own ways and in our own time. There are others of course who are ignorant and do not understand or want to understand so they throw judgement upon the suffering. A good thing to know is we cannot assume that if the reason behind the trauma has been removed, that a person should be okay or "all better". They are not okay, they have work to do. And the last thing that they need is someone telling them to get over it. This pertains to not just physical traumas, mental traumas, emotional traumas, but also to mental illness. I have been deeply affected by all. I choose not to let those traumas destroy me any longer, however, not everyone can bounce back right away and sadly some never do. I did not get over it quickly, nor did I get over all of them. Some still reside within deep crevices in my mind and every once in awhile come to the surface. The difference between the past and the present for me is that now I can usually recognize when they are coming forth and I can face them head on. And it is a difficult practice sometimes, sometimes I cry or scream or feel abandoned. I usually take a brisk walk, go for a car ride, lose myself in nature or put it into words. I write it all out. I free write until the pen stops moving. Most of these free writings end up shredded into tiny pieces and given to the wind in a manner of speaking (I do not literally toss bits of paper in the wind). I was diagnosed with clinical depression by age 17. Diagnosed with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by age 19. I was a cutter by age 14 (mind you, this was before it was heard of). I was emotionally and mentally abused as a child and well into adulthood. I was bullied horribly from the ages of 8 until 15. I was molested at age 10. I was physically and sexually assaulted throughout adulthood. My self worth was never established you see. Do you understand that the basis of self worth is something that begins as a toddler? Do you understand that when you are crushed over and over as a child that you never develop a healthy mentality? Do you understand that sometimes, we cannot simply "get over it". Some of us do. Some of us are in life long counseling. Others self medicate. Others, turn it around and treat people the same way that they were treated. I chose to heal myself. I went in and out of counseling for at least 15 years of my life. I tried all of the anti depressants and anti anxiety medications that you could think of. I went to Al Anon meetings. I read every new self help book on the shelves. I reached out to others. I withdrew into my self. I took many turns along the way. I got inspired by others. After many twists and turns and some roadblocks, I finally realized that I was not willing to look at myself and not wanting to change myself. This is why all of my efforts were in vain. I never realized that we cannot heal ourselves unless we face ourselves. We have to take a look inside of ourselves and want to change. We have to want to get better. We have to desire to heal from within. But, most importantly we have to forgive ourselves. I know that seems strange but hear me out. When you experience trauma, you tend to blame yourself. You look at yourself and ask why. You look at yourself and call yourself names like ugly, fat, skinny, pimply, stupid and the like. Not realizing that you are harming yourself more because we really need to love ourselves. We are an amazing creature and we need to realize that. Why people cannot treat their children better from birth is beyond me. Why would you hurt such a precious thing? Why would you degrade something so beautiful?
So onto what got be all riled up today. I saw something. Something in which a person said to someone who is depressed, get over it. Life is not that bad. You really just have to tell yourself that everything is okay. You are just being weak, grow up. Now, since I have been on the receiving end of these words it struck a chord as I stated above. Depression is serious! Anxiety is serious! Mental health is not something to take lightly! To those of you who are fortunate enough to have never suffered from it or "got over it", just STOP! Stop belittling people for how they feel. You are not helping them. You are hindering the situation. They cannot simply snap out of it. Do you not think that if they could they would? Now, do not get me wrong I have seen the ugly side of this as well. You know, the people who need attention. The people who play "victim". I have come across many of those along the way. And, I think that we have a small group of people who think it is okay to play the victim. It is called manipulation and it is an ugly sickness all in its own. Also, there are others who have the previously mentioned problems but choose to stay victims for many reasons. With any situation, we should always remember that we should not cast judgement on others. We should mind our own business and live our own lives.
I offer light to those who need it. I offer a sympathetic ear to those who need to vent. I offer empathy to those who need kindness. I offer a place to vent, I offer a place to cry, I offer a place to scream, I offer a place to create. I understand you and I understand where you are and where you have come from. I learned that writing was my escape. I also learned that creating was a wonderful place to begin. Writing always came naturally so I got so good at it that I even wrote fiction so that just in case something ever happened to me, no one would know how bad I really was. That is frightening is it not? I mean, I wrote "fake" truths so if I died no one would know how fucked up I really was. Talk about being removed from reality. But, none of those chapters exist today. They burned and turned to ash like the pain that was removed from my life. Some of my poems remain as they are reminders of how much I grew. They remind me of my strength and my desire to live. They also serve as a reminder to never return to that way of life.
Please seek help, please find a way to begin the healing process. It is NEVER too late to work on YOU! You are worth it! You are amazing! Your past does not define you, it only molds your future so live your life for you today! Do something nice for yourself everyday. Even if it means a smile, a clean start, nourishing yourself, start with something, anything. But do it for you, you matter here and someone loves you!
I leave you with this: to those of you who do not suffer or have healed, please remember to be kind. Please remember how powerful your words and actions are. Remember that your words can do serious damage to others who may be in a highly fragile state. Remember that some can not simply "get over it".
And to those who are suffering, to those who have separated from the trauma but it still lingers. Know that it will be okay and you can turn it around. Know that there is help, and know that there is kindness in this world. Most importantly, know that you are a precious gift and you are worthy. Know that you are loved!
I leave you all with peace, love and light always!

Time To Rise Up Above Xenophobia and The Status Quo

I have written before on how sickened I am by current events. By no means is this a "new" thing or a new instance. It has been going since the original "illegal immigrants" landed and ransacked the lands and its people. My power lies within myself and by using my words. I hope that someday we all begin to use our power.
This goes out to the original illegal immigrants who invaded this land and perpetrated horrific crimes against humanity. They raped the people, they raped the land and in turn they destroyed the balance of nature.They got away with it; there were no repercussions for their actions. Currently, the “powers that be” are dehumanizing people at an alarming rate. Well, let us be honest, they always have. It just gets thrust more in the public eye now that people are rising up and spreading the news.
It is happening everywhere. It is like a cancer spreading out of control and racking the integrity of our people. We have people of color being murdered for minor infractions, or worse yet doing nothing but being a darker color. We have racism being thrust in our faces every time we turn on the news or look at our social media pages. Xenophobes have been given free reign to spread their hatred on a much larger scale. Immigrants are being banned from entering this country, when immigration is what has built this nation. Travel bans, trade bans, federal assistance bans, housing bans, the list goes on and on. Families are being ripped apart by separating children from their parents and then being further humiliated by being placed in holding cages in a detention facility. A detention facility that is what they are calling it. Why not call them by their proper name, which are internment camps.
We have seen these before correct? The Japanese citizens were held in these camps during the World War 2 by order of our president at the time Mr. Franklin D Roosevelt. Everyone was on a racial charged kick against the Japanese due to public outcry after Pearl Harbor. The majority of the ones being held were U.S. Citizens. Of course, we cannot forget the camps in Europe that led to the torture and deaths of so many.
Hatred is what fuels this nation. The elite are in a perpetual xenophobic rant. The President of the United States and his underlings are pushing forward to purify the nation one person at a time. Nothing is done to the people who inflict pain, suffering, degradation and death on the innocents. They are secretly rewarded and publicly scolded like a child who scared his sister with a firecracker. The police are committing crimes against humanity at an alarming rate and getting no punishment for their actions. The justice system is in shambles and twisted. Real criminals get out of jail with no further marks on their records. Sexual predators get away with the damage that they have inflicted on their victims and move on to another day to be able to do it again. People are jailed at an alarming rate for something as minor as a broken tail light or having a joint on their person. Jail sentences are handed out at alarming rate to people of color while white people get away with more severe crimes and get to walk out with no harm done. There is such a thing as white privilege and to those who do not believe that it is real, they need to educate themselves to what it really means. In a situation where a white mass shooter gets to be apprehended by the police quietly, yet a young African American man gets murdered in his back yard for doing nothing. And if you put one White person and one Hispanic person in a similar situation and watch what transpires. Will a white person get stopped only for their skin color; will they get asked to show their papers? Hispanics will. And God forbid if they do not have papers. They get escorted violently to a holding center for deportation. Do you think that they get due process? Do you believe that they have rights? Do you believe that they get to call home and tell their families what happened? What if they are here “legally”? I use that term loosely as this was Mexico. This was Native land. What gives us the right to keep anyone out? No one person is “illegal”. This is a derogatory term that is used to describe a HUMAN BEING!
The time has come for us to band together and fight back! All races, colors, creeds, nationalities, genders need to come together, now more than ever. We need to stop living quietly as a non- racist and begin to live vocally as a non- racist. There are many of us out here that are against this behavior. Let us all begin to speak out. Let us all begin to write about it. Let us vote and get more compassionate human beings in office. Let us stand up for the rights of ourselves and others. We have the power to speak up, we have the power to write, and we have the power to express ourselves. We can do something even if it is writing to the politicians. We have the power in numbers. Let us stand together in unity. Let us join as a community. Let us most importantly, raise our children as compassionate human beings. The key is to raise our children. Do not let others do the job. Do not put them in front of a television, or an I pad and let them learn trash. Teach them how to love, teach them how to take care of themselves, teach them that it is okay to speak up, teach them to face fears, teach them respect and manners.
The time is now and we need to rise up and use our voices to stop this behavior. It does not change in a day, some people will never change. This is why we can only change ourselves. We start with ONE!
With this, I leave you all with love.

Kindness, A Disappearing Act

This one is about kindness. A simple, selfless act that can spread from one person to another.

I ask you, is the act of being kind disappearing? Or is it being shrouded by all of the hatred running rampant in our world? Gone are the days of peace, love and happiness. In all actuality though, were the past times really better? We talked a big game, but hatred was running rampant then as well. There were many who believed in peace and love and wanted to spread happiness but they were met with much resistance. People did not want to change their ways or make a move to help change the world. Things that did change were respect, hard work, dignity, family values, discipline, kindness and empathy. Hate crimes were a normal thing back then and times are no better now. Corruption, greed, racism and entitlement were always around. They were hidden better since there were no computers or cell phones back then. Technology has made us the most narcissistic society. But problems have always been here and I do believe logically that they will always be here.

So, all that can be changed is ourselves. Really, we are our own keepers. If we make an effort to change our behaviors and change our perspective, it will make a huge difference in our lives. It changes you, it has a positive effect which in turn can affect those around you. The changes that have happened over the years has resulted in a lack of respect for others, a loss of dignity in ourselves, a loss of pride of a people, a destruction of community and a lack of human kindness. I see so many people throughout the day that believe that they are entitled to something simply for being present in this world. They think that they alone are more deserving of something than others. They have never been humbled or forget when they were and believe that they are more in need than others. It really is a sad state.

Imagine being in line at a store. Standing in line behind an elderly lady. The cashier is engaging in conversation with the woman. The person behind you, begins tapping their foot. They begin mumbling under their breathe. They begin cursing under their breathe. Tapping more loudly, with keys in hand. They begin talking out loud, saying "some people have things to do, some people do not have time for you to be nice to everyone". The cashier finishes up with the lady and it is now your turn. The cashier kindly thanks you for your patience and smiles. You smile back. This situation happens everywhere now, more and more you see people become angry at others for taking up moments of their precious time. They do not stop to think that maybe, that cashier made that lady so happy. Maybe, that elderly woman was alone. Maybe she just had a tragedy. Maybe she just needed a smile and kind words. It really is disgusting. Everyone is in a hurry to get nowhere, fast. As if being an asshole and complaining will make anything happen more quickly. Now, I am not the most patient person in the world. I will admit that and I work on it everyday. But, I do appreciate the kindness of others and if that takes two extra minutes, then so be it. It brings a smile to my face which in turn makes me smile more. And sometimes even a simple smile means the world to someone.

Practice kindness everyday, you will begin to see a difference in your perspective. You will begin to feel better and your heart will become fuller. It does not take much, only a small gesture most times.
Offer a water and a piece of fruit to the homeless person on the side of the store instead of walking by them, avoiding them or just shaking your head.
Hold the door open for someone.
If someone drops something, help them pick it up.
Smile and make eye contact with everyone that you encounter on the street, the store or at work.
Make an effort to do something kind for someone at least once per day.

This will make you feel better. It will give you a moment to reflect on how good you have it. It will put things into a positive light for you. That simple act of kindness will spread.
If we all took one moment out of our daily lives to help someone else, smile at someone or ask someone how their day is going, it could make a difference. Remember, change begins with one.
The state of our world is deplorable. Everyone rushes by, always out for number one. Well, I get that. In a sense, we have to look out for ourselves because no one else will. However, we should also practice kindness everyday. Karma watches and when we live the selfish, entitled life, it will come back to us.
I simply leave you with this, be kind. Practice kindness. Preach kindness. Teach kindness. By God...spread kindness.
Peace, Love and Happiness always