The true definition of humble is "having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance". The act of humbling oneself is to lower yourself. This does not mean subservient, this does not mean making yourself less of a human. It is indeed to bring yourself down to a lower form. It is to look at yourself on a whole and realize that you are not above anyone. It is to look at yourself and be respectful and quiet at the right time.
I am at a stage in my life where I feel as if I have become who I am supposed to be. Not that I have fully grown mind you, only that I am at the exact place that I need to be at the moment. I have developed into a more complete version of myself.
Having struggled along the way. Having been pushed back down, time and time again. Having damaged myself through self hatred, guilt and negative thinking I have come to a place where the positive creeps in way more than the negative does and I get stronger and stronger. I embrace my changes and I embrace who I am evolving into. I no longer hide in the shadows and cower behind make believe security. I am learning to believe in myself more and more everyday. Dare I say that I am beginning to trust myself and my instincts to the point of not retreating back to the same old, same old behaviors that were so damaging.
Having spent years being apologetic for things that I really had not done wrong. Apologizing for breathing, for speaking, for being in a room, for existing. I spent so long in that place and I still mentally smack my hand when I find myself doing it still. Thankfully I have people in my life who will kindly remind me that I am worthy.
I never thought of myself as disrespectful or hurtful or judgmental. However, in recent months I have begun to see myself with a different perspective. I have stripped away my layers and gotten into the core. I am beginning to focus more on the inner working of "Ti". I have always had a tendency to spew forth anything that comes to mind without thinking first. I have had a tendency to say things without thinking of whom it may affect. I have also had a tendency to judge without having a right to judge. Not one person on this planet has the right to judge another human being, this is a reminder.
I love to laugh and in doing so I love to joke around. My joking is not always taken in the right context so I am learning to watch what I say.
I am sarcastic by nature. Sometimes, this is not a good trait to have and sometimes people will get offended. I mean no harm, let that be known.
I have judged people mentally and then after having learned about the person, I have had to make amends to the universe and change perspective.
The blessing to all of this seemingly negative behavior is that I am learning to accept my human behaviors and to change them. I am learning to be more conscious of who I am around and how they feel. I am also learning to bypass sarcasm as much as possible. I learned the hard way that there is indeed truth in sarcasm and it can be painful when it is thrown right back at you.
We are human, we are nature. And we will and do make mistakes. The key is that after making those mistakes, we accept them as a past transgression and learn from each one. The key to growth is change. We will always evolve if we seek enlightenment. If we do not, well, then you know that we will stay stagnant. Trapped in a negative place in the mind. Unable to go forward or see light.
I have met more people in the last few years that have changed my thought process on many things. These same people have shown me a new perspective. A new way to look at things and a new way to approach situations. I am also, after many hard lessons, beginning to make better choices in the company that I keep.
I am utilizing this platform today to mainly just write out life lessons. I like to share these lessons that happen in my life from time to time just to see if others can relate.
I continue to grow, change, develop, accept and learn on a daily basis. I accept lessons learned as a badge of honor almost in the sense that life lessons make us more human and more humble. Realizing that we are just a speck in this great universe and knowing that life is beautiful for all that it offers to us. The good, the bad, the sad and everything else in between. Until next time. Thanks for reading and peace, love and happiness always!
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